Follow the Lighted Promenade

Darkness lingered on And wrapped her fingers round She said she was feeling low today Not everything's profound And she looked at me with big, sad eyes And took me softly by the hand And said drive me to the Sea of Cortez So I can feel the sand. I don't even know what to say. Sometimes there aren't words. I will be patient before I launch any diatribe or spill anything, because I have no idea where I am at. I feel sad. I can keep saying things will be alright, but it looks like the road keeps getting steeper and less inspiring and I have to go it alone. I do see a light, but that might be my hopeless optimism kicking in. Why would anyone read this? I am so back and forth, so despirited, and I think it shows. Well, just writing some of this makes me feel better. I have to remember to do the one moment at a time thing, not to get too angry or too sad or too excited or too happy or too hopeful, because if I've learned anything from life, and apparently ...

So much to write...no patience. My semester starts today. I can't say what I feel about that just now. There's a nervous excitement, but also a ton of apprehension. One day at a time - one MOMENT at a time. Don't get bogged down. Enjoy what comes my way. Man, I feel different. I've got myself back and have found fun in the littlest things lately; watching old home movies, learning simple new tunes on the guitar, playing with Aspen and Brian Lee. The Cubs are awesome! I want them to win so badly. Yesterday was great. Bo wants to start a band, Stegosaurus. Oh, that sounds great. We make magic together, unlistenable though it may be. Loud, release, Prisoners of Rock and Roll. Sarah said something extraordinarily profound on Saturday (admist the 'I'm soooo tireds' and 'What is wrong with us?') that I don't think I adequately replied to. She said that she felt like part of the group that everyone envies at restaurants. That is so coo...

"Over the hills a desolate wind turns shit to gold and blows my soul crazy... The end of the end, we live again, but oh I grow weary of the end." - Beck Oh, is it on now. This cannot be real...I am experiencing things that I didn't know existed. Sick still, on almost a metaphysical level, coughing up little bits of my past in disorganized clumps, moving on to see what lies ahead. I keep thinking I'm dreaming, lost inside a hazy vapour, disoriented. Dynamically disoriented. Watershed communication...saying things that I've never been able to say. The old Daniel Robin Brugioni is dying a slow death, and what will come about? Someone new, always pushing myself in new directions, always reinventing, learning to fucking take a chance of two, unblock my blue aura and let someone in. Electricity, melancholy, a dream-like covering of slate clouds, rain, little sleep, startling thoughts that swirl around, transcendental, moving on but which way do I go?...things...

"I'm deep inside myself but I'll get out some how/ And I'll stand before you and I'll bring a smile to your eyes." -Neil, of course. "Lonely mountains, they look so tired/ And it's a perfect day to lock yourself inside." - Beck I'm coming off nearly a solid month of unending emotion (both good and sad) and felt ready to hit the stratosphere when my body decided to revolt. I think I have the plague or something. I am usually very positive, but feel whiney and pathetic right now. (I want my momma.) Does sickness affect your mind? Nothing is linear, just a jumbled mass of crap, that I can't even explain. I'm tired. I've been incredibly creative (well...that depends on your perspective) and have turned out a lot of writing. But I'm spinning my wheels. "I'm young inside and old inside. I'm confused and full of random pictures. Perhaps in Istanbul where my vision took me, I'll find the trail again....

I feel swept up in great currents and undercurrents, like something huge is gonna happen (or is happening.) My mind feels like it's tied to a post and wants to break away, but sadly my body is lagging behind. My allergies have been KILLING me. I felt better last night, even though I couldn't talk at all, but then I coughed all last night and so far today. I think I'm gonna just cut my losses and decapitate myself. Ugh... Man, did I sound horrible last night. Sarah and Angie both laughed at my hoarse attempts at verbalization, and rightly so. I sounded like the teenager from the Simpsons. "Keep watching the skis....ahhhh, skies." Ha ha. It was good hanging out with Sarah again - it'd been awhile since I'd seen her. We traded pictures and just talked for a couple hours (well, she talked, I just kinda made rasping noises). She wrote in her post that we found fun in the most potentially horrible situations on our trip, and that is so true. Somet...

From the mists in the right field corner trots the ghost of faded Fred Warner. Went to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York with Adam, fellow blogspotist and baseball fanatic. What a trip! Alive! Very much alive. Much laughter, very sad, very happy, alive. I'll never forget looking up at the stars, lying on my back in the windswept sand, feeling the breeze, hearing the waves of beautiful Otsego Lake lapping at my feet. There were billions of stars, lots of shooting stars, many wishes. We spun around looking at the stars, falling or struggling for balance, acting like idiots on the beach. There is so much beauty in this world that it fucking hurts. Went to the research library at the Hall first. They pulled the file for Fred Warner, a comically obscure, below average ballplayer who died over 115 years ago. No one has ever heard of him, but I have become very intersted in his story - or lack thereof. But I saw his file, I saw a copy of his death certificate. He di...

Radiohead Concert Review Wow, what a show! Cuyahoga Falls, OH, a warm, idyllic summer night, lots of stoners who shared my taste in haircut and crummy clothes, and a friend (Sarah) who really got it - all combined to make it a very magical evening. This being my first lawn experience, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The sound was very low, almost conversation level, and while this made it hard to lose myself in the music, it also made it very peaceful. The band opened up with "The National Anthem," probably the only danceable song on Kid A, and proceeded from there to spin off some of their hardest to grasp and obscure songs. Of course I'd have it no other way. Thom Yorke, a fellow nerd who shares my penchant for dancing like a weiner, dedicated the song "Optimistic" to "anyone who still feels that they can make a difference." That was the first song I really flipped out to (and reclaimed, for the briefest of moments, the title of ...

Feel wortwhile, challenged, pent-up, ultra-creative, alone, surrounded by friends, hopeful, despondent. Why do so many people live in such agony? There is so much unhappiness surrounding me, people really trying to stay up in the face of unfrontable sadness. Wow. There had better be a reason for all of this. I'm off to see Radiohead in Akron, Ohio with Sarah. This is her first trip in quite awhile, and I feel very flattered that she trusts me enough to go on such a journey. She has shown me a lot as I've gotten to know her better. It is really heartening to see someone face their fears head-on, rather than simply ignoring them and sinking beneath them. I will be sure to write a concert review - Radiohead as seen through the eyes of a dancing moron. :) Yippee. Went down to Purdue over the weekend, had the usual great time, lots of laughs, insults, generaly nerdy goofiness. Adam D. just moved into his new apartment and is facing the prospect of living alone. ...

It has been a Nirvana week. Kurt is my guru (tho I'm not suicidal). I feel good today, but good in a hopeless, resigned, fetted way. Finals week again! Blarg! Where have I heard that word. It is quite cool. Blarg. What is a blarg? I should be typing. Chub. (Another great one.) I don't want to type my journals. I want to lay on the couch in a fetal position listening to womb sounds. I told Sarah that I want to go to a bar Thursday after finals and wake up in a ditch on Sunday. I don't drink, but I can see the attraction. Maybe I'll just do it without the alcohol...spend a couple of nights out. :) I am just coming out of a horrid depression, a lonely time. It was many things at once that contributed to it. My lack of crack money, finding out that my mom and dad are brother and sister, the Chinese mafia coming to collect their due (I now have an impressive collection of broken thumbs and teeth). It was a rough time. But with my semester nearing compl...

I am suffering from a severe case of anti-depression. Those inflicted with depression complain of irrational and inexplicable unhappiness, compounded by feelings of worthlessness and isolation. I am irrationally giddy, and I can't figure out why. I just took my car in to get the brakes fixed ($415), I have a bajillion papers to write between now and next Thursday, the weather is gloomy and gray, and I feel isolated and alone. But on the other hand, my semester ends in only 8 days, the wind off the lake is surprisingly refreshing, I now will be able to get my car to stop from time to time, and I am always pretty isolated from most people. I also feel stubbornly (and almost savagely) independent. I want to write "f**k" a lot to describe it, but that's not really my style. I am out of control a bit, but not to the extent that I'd have everyone believe. I still take rejection very, very badly and still put having fun over most responsibilities, but what of i...

Tom Petty tonight. :):):):):) I am gonna post once when I feel bad, just to temper all of this optimistic, poetic crap. It's just whenever I feel bad I retreat to my room and play guitar or drive to Alberta or something like that. I shun the computer. So you'll have to put up with it (or not...you could stop reading.) The Cubs are gonna mop the floor with the Astros! Boom boom boom boom. I feel like a little kid. I've been wearing my emotions on my sleeve for awhile and that gets tiring, but mostly I have been happy. I've fixed my bike. I have taken to walking unimaginable distances into the late twilight. (Last night I topped 5 miles down an old rail corridor near my house.) I can't put down my guitar. (I learned to play Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, and Nash.) I've been hanging out with Sarah who always manages to improve my mood - no matter how good or bad (even if she is allergic to walking.) :) I talked to Kati and Jeremy and planne...

Hello! It's gonna storm. There will be a great release of energy. I need to release some. I need to take it a day at a time. I need to unwind. Last night I came home feeling accomplished and shellshocked and reached for my guitar. I played aimlessly and tunelessly for a couple of minutes. I felt torn in several directions, tired and jumpy and hopeful and miserable, but nothing came out in my music. I then grabbed the capo and changed keys and realized that I was in standard tuning and could play my harmonicas along and then I just released. I have a new set of steel on my Epiphone that hurts my fingers, but I didn't care. I played for so long (apparently my parents don't live with me anymore, so no one was home :)). I don't know if it sounded miraculous or hideous and I don't care. I let it all out, what a great release, what a necessary catharsis. Music is my love, one of my few true loves, and it just felt good to play for no one except maybe my cat...

From Mattapoisett, Massachusetts I relax on the east coast, deeply and hopelessly in love. When summer reaches out her hand, I take it and let her lead me where she will. I can't describe to you the beauty I've seen. I can't descibe the places I've been or the conversations I've had or the love that I've felt. I just rode down the southeastern Massachusetts coast through the late twilight. I watched the sun descend while listening to Radiohead and writing poetry. Tonight I will sleep in the arms of the breeze. The Great God Baseball. Tomorrow I will visit thee. Fenway, the shrine, the temple, the hallowed grounds. She is dying; or, more aptly, she is being killed. The names of those who played there will forever echo through the halls of our collective imagination: Ted Williams, the Yaz, Bobby Dewer, Jim Rice, Jimmy Peirsol, Babe Ruth, Johnny Pesky, Hank Greenberg...the list goes on. Tomorrow I will say goodbye to the old yard. There is crying in...

I didn't get to go camping this weekend. It was the Tippecanoe trip, the most important trip of the year, but it didn't disappoint me too much. We all get let down but we don't have to stay. Last night (Friday) I watched the Cubs win, watched an excellent Neil and Crazy Horse video, read "A Walk in the Woods" and then drank 2 Pepsi's. I was feeling very inspired and on a whim went down to Purdue (after Adam called) at about 10 o'clock pm. Listening to Radiohead's new album as I accelerated onto the 65 South on-ramp, I felt like I was just gonna explode with energy and optimism. I feel that lingering today. Adam and I went to Denny's and had a discussion that could have been lifted right out of Fight Club, tackling absurdly huge life issues over pancakes and orange juice. Profound. I deleted my last post because I felt it sounded overly whiny (indeed, it was written at 3 am) and that was not my intention. I want people to share my pa...

Blech!!! I'm glad I don't feel like this all the time. Sickness is not fun, especially on test day. So if I stray off a bit, forgive me. My head's a scrambled egg. There is a lady with a bleached mullet sitting right by me. I should compliment her on it, but I think I'll abstain. "There comes a time when you're driftin' There comes a time when you settle down." - Neil Young I leave for Vermont, Boston, Cape Cod, etc...on Tues. The Great Summer Baseball Road Trip. Live in love. Dan

Today is the solstice, the longest day of the year, but there is no sun. I didn't get to take my morning ride to school, so now I am all keyed up and jumpy with no thought organization. I have three journals to do in the next hour and I am updating here. Good thing I'm so good looking, 'cause I ain't got much common sense. :) My friends Jeff and Tina are getting married tomorrow. It is awesome because they both annoy eachother but are so in love they can look past this. Jeff told me that he is excited to get married. I am excited for him. I've changed my password, so hopefully whoever was getting into my acount and sending inappropriate e-mails will henceforth be frustrated. He has turned me into a bit of a stud though, hasn't he? I can't even say the word "hung" with a straight face, and he apparently rattled it off rapid-fire. Hope you all enjoyed my very public tar-and-feathering. :) Sarah bought me a present for my birthday last...

From Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Francis: Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want. Pee-Wee: Good for you and your father. Francis: So guess what I want. Pee-Wee: A new brain. I hope you all can grasp the brilliance of this interchange. :) Today is my birthday. I hope to watch O Brother, Where Art Thou?, the best movie in ages, tonight. I don't have any real plans and that is cool. Last night, I went out with Leesa, Eric, Amanda, and her son Hayden. They bought me dinner at Applebee's (whose sign told me that I belong there) and I got four balloons and a sundae for my b-day. I betcha I looked even more cool than normal, holding my balloons with chocolate smeared on my face. We then went to see Molin Rouge. I thought it was wonderful - very colourful and different and really moving. I suppose that I am really a hopeless romantic at heart. Sad, huh? Don't cry for me, Argentina. Let's see...What has happened since I've l...

Sorry. My last few posts have mysteriously vanished. I'm in the midsts of a losing streak right now, so they weren't that uplifting anyway.

Full of midnight and ghosts Hopeful dreams fade like searchlights on the coast I've loved a lot of people but I've loved you the most I feel the cold sand beneath me Full of midnight and ghosts I need a camping trip, bad. Where is summer? It feels like Marzo outside, blustery and empty, only now there is no promise of great things to come; this IS what was promised. Aspen, my one year old niece, is very sick. She has pneumonia and a throat infection, and yesterday her temperature hit 104.8. I feel so bad for her. She's so little and can't comprehend why she hurts. I watched "The Green Mile" on Saturday night, probably the best anti-death penalty movie I've ever seen. I never escape that one dry-eyed. And speaking of great movies, on June 12th, "O Brother, Where Art Thou" comes out. I saw it three times in the theatres and can't wait to see it again. I've been runnin' for all my years/ and I used to be miles ahead ...

I haven't posted in awhile. There's a certain darkness about things right now. It's not a depression, just a darkness. My friend Matt adequately described it as feeling "meek, dark, and drab." Sometimes you need to be something other than happy to break the monotony. The Cubs are in 1st place, winners of 10 in a row. That makes me very happy. Somnolence. The new Radiohead album comes out next week. I have heard it a couple of times and have been profoundly moved. All of my friends like them so at first I was reluctant to take the plunge, but I now see why all of my friends like them. Wilco's new one comes out soon, too. Lethargy. Look for my letter to the editor in the local papers soon. I basically sounded off on Mr. Bush's plan to drill for oil and natural gas in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. My friend Liz, who's a really great writer, also wrote (or is writing?) a column about that. Fight the power! "It's a perfe...