30 August 2001

Darkness lingered on
And wrapped her fingers round
She said she was feeling low today
Not everything's profound
And she looked at me with big, sad eyes
And took me softly by the hand
And said drive me to the Sea of Cortez
So I can feel the sand.

I don't even know what to say. Sometimes there aren't words. I will be patient before I launch any diatribe or spill anything, because I have no idea where I am at. I feel sad. I can keep saying things will be alright, but it looks like the road keeps getting steeper and less inspiring and I have to go it alone. I do see a light, but that might be my hopeless optimism kicking in. Why would anyone read this? I am so back and forth, so despirited, and I think it shows.
Well, just writing some of this makes me feel better. I have to remember to do the one moment at a time thing, not to get too angry or too sad or too excited or too happy or too hopeful, because if I've learned anything from life, and apparently I haven't, it's that the bending river will soon take me in some jaw-dropping new direction.
Should I enjoy this sadness? It just seems I've been served so much of it that I don't want anymore. Someone else's turn.

Sadness lingers on
And calls me to the coast
I can hear the words she whispered
Lost in midnight and ghosts
She left me once with big sad eyes
And pulled her warm hand out of reach
So I drove alone to the Sea of Cortez
And sat in firelight on the beach
And felt the cold sand on the beach.


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