Follow the Lighted Promenade

There must be a beginning here somewhere. There have been lots of ends. This may be a bit discursive; if so, I apologize. I just took a walk. The harvest moon hung impending, the clouds were salmon-bellied off to the tempestuous west but as they skated in front of the bone-white moon they turned starkly white and black, racing, with a beauty that hurt to look upon, into the mysterious east on some unknown yet compelling errand. I looked at the moon. It stayed, silver, always. The wind spoke of ends, spoke of beginnings, spoke of the continuing thread with no end nor beginning that runs through us and through us, upon which we are born and upon which we die; it spoke of summer’s ghost, it spoke of now wizened autumn, it spoke of brooding winter and swamp-damp spring, through the door goes one and into the light, from the light comes one and through the door; a smiling baby, an old man breathing his last in an eyes-wide coma, a man not quite sure where his road is going but who’s

Under riotous skies I walk alone It's sparkling out, sunny and wonderful. I'm sitting here with my cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee feeling on top of the world. I just finished my first week of actual student teaching and it has gone quite well. I have found that I actually look forward to teaching the lessons that I design, and the students have at least tolerated them. I feel that I am still moving forward even though my life has changed a lot since August, and I am still reinventing myself for the better. Last night was awesome. I picked up Sarah after work and we went to Pizza Hut for a thick, greasy pizza that just tasted like heaven (take that abs) and then went to Meijer for - get this - some non-alcoholic beer because I was curious. I will NEVER drink alcohol, the whole concept just makes me feel a little ill, losing your wits and having your senses dulled like that, but I like the taste of beer a little so I bought a six-pack and had one and it was neat. And

Already dead to me now cause it feels as though I'm watching something die I've been listening to the new Beck album online. The three songs I've listened to have been filled with a windy desolation, a sadness so complete that it's unimaginable unless you listen to someone going through it. Like Mutations, this album wraps you in sadness and makes you feel warm in it, like it's okay to be sad. I just cried a little bit, sitting here in the computer lab, and I don't know if I've ever had that happen on a first listen. I just feel so affected right now. Rolling Stone called it "an entire album of spectacular suffering," and the best album Beck has ever made. Anyone want to go with me to see him? I'll sell my cats to the research lab or something. :)

Two trains wrecking into one another. I know that places are haunted, but can songs be haunted? I am haunted. I am haunted by the vague notion that things are ready to blow as soon as I touch flint to steel. As soon as I plug in. I love who I have become, but still feel the need to bleed a bit. I've moved past the wonderful/horrible self-destructive behavior that I had been engaging in, but I honestly miss it. I want to break myself down, I want to see what's there. My mind has been humming like wires, alive and open, receptive and engaged. I've been having visions of lights in the darkness, globes under trees that give the festival air, lamplight inside rainy windows, tiffany lamps in quiet diners in distant towns, searchlights from the horizon on the lake. I have a very limited capacity for free will right now, but am making the most. If my body is chained to my earthly preoccupations, at least my mind doesn't have to be. Fall will roll i