08 June 2005

Off we go...

I am done! Summer is upon me. I am looking ahead to almost three months with none of the structure that has marked the winter and spring. I am resolved to make the most of things.

I've been down these past few days...still am, but I've more of an eye for the happy things today.

Yesterday I had a moment of deep loss amidst the towers of a thunderstorm. I listened to radiohead with the first drops falling about me. I took a nap and slept deeply, wearing my sadness like a shroud. When I woke, in profoundest yellow light, I ate dinner in a haze, and then met my friends who helped me out of my isolation.

I'm talking with a girl from Israel (Moreno) who just invited me to stay with her this summer. I shall certainly look into it.

I feel so unfocused, but in a good way. It has not hit me that the year has ended. In January, when my loss and my sadness crescendoed, it felt interminable. Now, another year of teaching (my third) is behind me. I will miss this group - they were truly nice people.

Now, some summer "I wills..."

I will go tonight to buy the new White Stripes album, which has been described as "their weirdest and least focused" album to date. Speaking my language.

I will also buy the brightest bike light on the market, so that I, in the spirit of the gypsy summer, can ride at night. Maybe I'll get some cool little bike shorts, too.

I will drink coffee and write on stormy mornings.

I will send out stories and the query letters for my novel.

I will seize opportunities for travel.

I will whip Chris's ass at Bases Loaded 2.

I will read a big pile of novels.

I will stop belittling others just because they suck compared to me.

I will realize that compassion is the best revenge.

I will embrace that it is all within me, and always has been, and always will be.

I will be open - I will stop trying to control everything and just let things happen.

I will watch sunrises in cafes.

Tonight, dinner with friends, perhaps a toast to the newness of everything, packing for the camping trip with Paul and Sophia, and then blessed, unincumbered sleep.

I can't think of any profound way to end this. I'll just wish the best to everyone who reads this (people all over the world, believe it or not).



At 10:56 AM, Anonymous rhonda said...

dude! i loved the comment on your effort to stop belittling others because they suck compared to you. ha! in fact, i laughed out loud.




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