Far from flying high in clear blue skies/ I'm spiralling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.Roger Waters.
I feel that I've lost the rhythm of the heartbeat. Last night I drew a hot bath and lit a candle and sat in silence, listening to the howl of the ceaseless northwest wind, and I felt good, but very far from my usual exuberance. I guess I just realized that there is still a darkness, and I'm not sure how to blunder through it. My senses are heightened and I am very receptive to any mood that comes my way. I feel needy at times, but almost in the same sentence I'll be wishing I was in Bora Bora or could spend ten days in Louisiana. I've said it all before, but the feeling remains. I can't shake off the cold that comes to me in short warm bursts.
There is a heartbeat, the earth has a heartbeat. She talks to us, but we don't listen. People laughed (good-naturedly) at my orgasmic response to hearing the spring peepers last March, but I am so happy that I heard them, because they are the harbinger of Spring, of rebirth, of connection to a Higher Power (whatever we consider that to be), of remergence, of a stubborn refusal to get bogged down in materialistic shit, of patient love, of following something that no one understands, of walking alone, of silent acknowledgements and unspoken vows, of a building energy, of a great building ENERGY, of finding myself again and realizing that I wasn't really lost but just blinded by my own insecurities.
I have so much love inside of me, but I've been denying myself that.
Listen. Just for a moment. The northwest wind is lonely and cold, but there is a heartbeat, a slow undulating rhythm. And I'm glad that I can dance to it in some quiet way.
I feel that I've lost the rhythm of the heartbeat. Last night I drew a hot bath and lit a candle and sat in silence, listening to the howl of the ceaseless northwest wind, and I felt good, but very far from my usual exuberance. I guess I just realized that there is still a darkness, and I'm not sure how to blunder through it. My senses are heightened and I am very receptive to any mood that comes my way. I feel needy at times, but almost in the same sentence I'll be wishing I was in Bora Bora or could spend ten days in Louisiana. I've said it all before, but the feeling remains. I can't shake off the cold that comes to me in short warm bursts.
There is a heartbeat, the earth has a heartbeat. She talks to us, but we don't listen. People laughed (good-naturedly) at my orgasmic response to hearing the spring peepers last March, but I am so happy that I heard them, because they are the harbinger of Spring, of rebirth, of connection to a Higher Power (whatever we consider that to be), of remergence, of a stubborn refusal to get bogged down in materialistic shit, of patient love, of following something that no one understands, of walking alone, of silent acknowledgements and unspoken vows, of a building energy, of a great building ENERGY, of finding myself again and realizing that I wasn't really lost but just blinded by my own insecurities.
I have so much love inside of me, but I've been denying myself that.
Listen. Just for a moment. The northwest wind is lonely and cold, but there is a heartbeat, a slow undulating rhythm. And I'm glad that I can dance to it in some quiet way.
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